This summer, North Carolina took an important step for the well-being of children. Governor Josh Stein signed a new law that passed almost unanimously in the State Legislature which requires every public school district in the state to set policies restricting cell phone use during class and to provide students with instruction on the risks of social media. In one sense, the law seems simple enough—no more phones in class. But in another sense, it marks something much deeper: a growing recognition that the struggle to protect kids from the dangers of technology and social media cannot rest on parents’ shoulders alone.
The dangers are too widespread, the stakes too high, and the cultural pressures too relentless. If there was ever a time for families and communities to work together, it is now. Only today, we must be clear: these must be real communities—rooted in family, church, and relationships—not a digital “network” built on likes and endless scrolling.
The Scope of the Challenge
Nearly every American teenager is online. According to the U.S. Surgeon General, up to 95% of youth, ages 13–17, use social media, and one in three say they use it “almost constantly.” The average teen spends about three and a half hours a day scrolling, posting, and watching.
The consequences are sobering. Youth who spend more than three hours a day on social media are at double the risk of depression and anxiety (HHS). The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reports that nearly 77% of high schoolers check social media multiple times daily, and those who are frequent users face higher rates of bullying, persistent sadness, and suicidal thoughts.
Jonathan Haidt, author of The Anxious Generation, points out that depression and anxiety among adolescents
(ages 12-17) nearly doubled between 2010 and 2019. Suicide rates among youth ages 10–19 rose 48% in that decade. For young girls ages 10–14, the suicide rate skyrocketed 131%. His conclusion is stark: our culture overprotects kids in the real world but underprotects them online, and the results are devastating.
And indeed, this incongruity is striking. As he and others recently noted in The Atlantic:
“This digital technology has given kids access to virtual worlds, where they’re allowed to roam far more freely than in the real one. About 75 percent of kids ages 9 to 12 regularly play the online game Roblox, where they can interact with friends and even strangers. But most of the children in our survey said that they aren’t allowed to be out in public at all without an adult. Fewer than half of the 8- and 9-year-olds have gone down a grocery-store aisle alone; more than a quarter aren’t allowed to play unsupervised even in their own front yard.” (The Atlantic)
The mental health crisis isn’t an abstraction—it’s in our homes, our classrooms, and our churches. Parents today feel the tension every time they weigh whether their child should have a phone, whether they should allow Instagram or TikTok, whether they can stand against the tide when “all the other kids have one.”
This highlights the heart of the issue: while parents are closest to the front lines, none of us can hold back the tide alone.
From Individual Burden to Communal Responsibility
For too long, we have treated phones and social media as a private family issue. “It’s up to each parent to decide,” we are told. And while there is truth in that assertion, the reality is that these effects are not neutral and their impact is not isolated.
When every other student in a middle school class (private, public, or otherwise) has a smartphone, the lone parent who holds back feels like they are punishing their child. When pornography, predators, and toxic trends are just a swipe away, no home filter can cover every risk. When social media shapes the very culture of adolescence, a parent’s rules alone can seem powerless.
That is why communal responses and state and local policies matter. Rules set by schools, expectations embraced by neighborhoods, and cultural norms reinforced by faith communities create a shared guardrail. The new North Carolina law—requiring phone bans during class and instruction on social media risks—shows that society is waking up.
And it’s not just North Carolina. Across the country, states and school districts are beginning to impose restrictions on student phone use.
Dr. Leonard Sax, a family physician and psychologist, has long argued that such steps are necessary. He recommends that children not receive a smartphone before age 13, and that parents treat monitoring apps not as spying but as responsible oversight. He supports schoolwide bans because they relieve pressure from both parents and students. Jonathan Haidt agrees, calling for collective action: no smartphones until they are at least 14, no social media before age 16, and no phones in classrooms. These are not rules for “my child only”—they are cultural norms we must establish together “to restore childhood.”
What’s Really at Stake
As Christians, we know that this is not just about mental health charts or test scores. At stake is nothing less than the formation
of souls.
Children are meant to grow up in the safety of embodied relationships, where trust is built through eye contact, play, shared work, time together, and worship. Boredom helps to foster creativity, real conflict to learn forgiveness, and tangible community to shape identity. Social media offers only a counterfeit: connection without contact; affirmation without relationship; stimulation without activity—or rest.
The Apostle Paul reminds us, “All things are permissible, but not all things are beneficial” (1 Corinthians 10:23). Technology is not evil in itself, and it can be used for good. But when placed in immature hands, with no limits and no guidance, it becomes a trap. And when society normalizes that trap, the result is what we now see: anxious, lonely, and distracted children struggling to find hope and purpose.
That is why we cannot shrug and say, “Parents should just do better.” Parents matter most—but parents cannot be asked to do this alone. We need communities, schools, churches, and even governments to play their part in guarding childhood.
Building Community Again
So, what might this community approach look like in practice?
- Schools enforcing phone-free classrooms, as North Carolina now requires.
Churches teaching digital discernment, modeling rhythms of Sabbath, and giving kids real community where they are known by name. - Neighborhoods reclaiming unstructured outdoor play—where “the kids on the block” matter more than group chats.
- Parents together agreeing to hold off on smartphones or
social media until certain ages, so no one family bears the stigma alone. - Policymakers willing to acknowledge the harms and set boundaries for the sake of the young.
This isn’t nostalgia. It’s not about going back to rotary phones or banning the internet. It’s about recovering what every culture before us has known: children thrive when the adults in their world share responsibility for protecting them.
As Christians, we know that this is not simply a strategy but a calling. We are charged to “train up a child in the way he should go” (Proverbs 22:6a). That charge does not rest on parents in isolation. It is entrusted to families, yes, but also to the Body of Christ as a whole.
The Parent’s Final Word
Even as we welcome school policies, communal norms, and new laws, we must never lose sight of this truth: No law will tuck a child into bed. No school policy could comfort a lonely child. No community norm can replace the warm, loving, steady presence of a mother or father.
Parents remain the closest guardians of their children’s hearts. The American Psychological Association (APA) reports that only 59% of teens feel they regularly receive the emotional support they need. The Surgeon General may warn, the legislature may act, and the church may teach—but it is parents who set the tone in their homes, who model what life looks like off the screen, who bear the sacred responsibility of guiding young souls.
So yes, families need communities. But communities are meant to support parents, not replace them. Technology may have overwhelmed us with networks, but God’s design is older and wiser. Family comes first.
If we can recover that truth—and link arms as communities to uphold it—then our children may yet find freedom from the anxious grip of the digital age.
Adamo Manfra is the Director of Research and Education at NC Family