“A good father is… one of the most valuable assets in our society.” ~ Reverend Billy Graham

Reverend Graham was absolutely right, and while his statement is true, many men don’t know how to intentionally pursue fatherhood. So where can men turn when they want to learn how to become better fathers?

This week on Family Policy Matters, host Traci DeVette Griggs welcomes Jeff Hamilton, Founder of Dad Academy, to discuss the importance of men being intentional fathers and how they can become great dads.

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Family Policy Matters

Dad Academy: Helping Men Become Great Dads (with Jeff Hamilton)

TRACI DEVETTE GRIGGS: Thanks for joining us this week for Family Policy Matters. Of all the jobs men may hold, perhaps the most important one is the one with the least training available: fatherhood. Well, today’s guest has developed a roadmap for dads to help them plan and implement a successful approach to the most important work they do, fathering their children. Today, we are joined by Jeff Hamilton, pastor, coach and founder of Dad Academy that offers practical, faith filled guidance for raising children with intention and leaving a lasting legacy. Jeff Hamilton, welcome to Family Policy Matters.

JEFF HAMILTON: Thank you, Traci, what a joy to be on your show today.

TRACI DEVETTE GRIGGS: So, tell me, what do you think are the unique challenges of parenting in today’s world, especially, and especially for dads?

JEFF HAMILTON: Well, a lot of challenges that so many parents struggle with, whether it’s social media impacts their children’s self-image and their sense of self-worth, the radical schedules that so many families have to run their pace at. But I would say that the number one challenge, especially for fathers, is the fact that recent statistics tell us that 40% of people in the US grew up without a father. So, I think that it’s really challenging to be the father that you really want to be, not having any kind of model or example to be able to follow. So how do you be able to fulfill that desire in your heart to be the best dad that you can be? I think the biggest challenge is the fact that fatherhood is such an issue in our nation.

TRACI DEVETTE GRIGGS: Right. And so, what is the Dad Academy?

JEFF HAMILTON: Well, Dad Academy has actually been around for more than a decade, and we’ve trained a little over 1000 men, moving up towards 2000 men in this process, and we just developed the workshop. It was really just a group curriculum, a workshop, video curriculum that guys could go through, usually at their church or in their neighborhood, or maybe you’re part of a school or a PTA, and it has just recently come out of a book so that it can be more accessible to men. But since 2015 you know, I came up with this concept after I waited to raise my kids to make sure that they’re able to function as adults and have a sense of identity and destiny in their life. And I, after working more than 30 years with families, I thought that I had something that I could share that would help pull out in every guy, the dad that God has designed them to be. So, we’ve cultivated this process that’s called the Dad Academy, because I believe that every man will feel successful when they know what’s required of them, and they have a plan to accomplish that. And so, Dad Academy helps a man fulfill his mission by passing on his skills and his values to his children.

TRACI DEVETTE GRIGGS: You mentioned your book, Dad Academy: Raising Courageous, Capable, Confident Kids. So, tell us about that book. What would we find inside the pages there?

JEFF HAMILTON: Well, the first three chapters really have to do with the dad and his own life. It has to do with kind of what are your values? Because values are not just what you want to be. Values are embedded into your daily behavior, into your habits. So, chapter one is about your values. Chapter two is about your relationship with your kid’s mom, which in today’s society and culture, it may or may not be your wife. My own brother comes from a blended family in his family situation, and so we’re trying to help about what the mom dad relationship looks like both when it’s in the home and when you’re dealing with these situations of co-parenting and step parenting and blended families. And we talk about some of those issues and the roles between Dad and Mom. The third chapter is about a man’s own experience diving deep into some of the things that have shaped him, both in his family of origin and some of the issues that he may carry from that, because we feel that a healthy dad is going to pass on that kind of health to his family.

So, we want a guy to be able to have a clear sense of who he is and where he’s coming from and what he’s working with, before we get into the next three chapters that have to do with what a dad’s job is, which is to develop courage and competency and confidence in the lives of his kids. Chapter Seven talks about how we help kids move from one stage to another. And then the final chapter is actually helping a guy develop the dad plan. A lot of people say, like, what’s that? What’s the dad plan? Well, my background is in organizational leadership, and along with pastoring and consulting local churches on strategy and mission, I consult a lot of businesses on culture and values alignment to mission. And so, what I really talk about is we’re helping a dad develop a business plan for being a dad, which, you know, it seems like being a dad is the only thing a man does in his life without an intentional plan. You go to the grocery store, you have a plan. You go to the gym, you have a plan. You have a financial goal that you want to achieve, you have a plan. And yet, being a dad is only thing a man does in his life without an intentional strategy. At best, we’re responsive. At worst, we’re reactive to the situations that come up, because we don’t often carry with us a specified long view of what we’re trying to accomplish. And so, Dad Academy helps a dad be able to confidently parent and do it on purpose.

TRACI DEVETTE GRIGGS: It’s a great point about having a plan. We even have a plan we go to the grocery store. Good point. So, you mentioned three main things that you’re hoping to help these dads instill in their kids: courage, competency and confidence. Why those three?

JEFF HAMILTON: Courage is a relational dynamic. We want our children to be able to go into life feeling like they can accomplish things. One of my greatest memories of raising my own kids was we lived in a neighborhood that had a community pool, and summers here in Southern California, like the pool is one of the best places to hang out, and we didn’t give our kids swimming lessons, we kind of felt that the best way to acclimate them is to just actually start getting in the pool with supervision, right? And so, to me, the idea of courage, how a dad imparts courage is the picture I have of my little girl, who’s, you know, maybe three at the time, and she’s standing on the edge of the pool. She knows how to swim, she knows how to get around, but she’s never like, jumped in before. And I’m standing there with my arms stretched out, saying, hey, just come to me, trust me, and you’ll be successful at this. And a kid has to be able, before they’ll make that leap, to trust the person who’s on the other end of that information, that they’re going to be able to accomplish what they do. So, if they can trust dad, right, and make those kind of leaps, what begins to happen is that they can address the situations and challenges that they’re going to face in their life with courage.

And courage is really important, especially in a faith context, because the word courage comes from the Latin word cor, right, which has to do with what’s at the core. It’s really an issue of heart that we want our kids to be able to live with heart, not intimidated by fear, or by their circumstances, but we want them to know that they can go after life, not only because their dad loves them, but because God’s hand is on them. And just like Moses going through the Red Sea, right, or Joshua walking around the city of Jericho, there are going to be some things in life that we’re going to have to do that are going to require courage on our part, but if we can trust the information, and we can trust the person who’s called us to that, then they will be able to navigate life. The second thing is talking about competency, right? How do we become capable adults? Well, everything that you know how to do is something that someone taught you. Like we kind of take this for granted as parents of young children. But do you remember the idea of potty training? That you literally had to teach your kids how to go to the bathroom, using the facilities and not their diapers. Tying shoes? Everything that you know how to do is something that someone taught you, but at some point we stop intentionally giving our kids the skills, both emotional skills and experiential skills. For example, emotional skills is when we’re teaching them to say please and thank you, to acknowledge other people, to say I’m sorry, to say I love you. There’s an important idea of emotional intelligence that’s tied into parenting, because it helps us to be aware of the people around us, and it helps us to be able to bring a set of practical skills to the table.

You know, and I live in Southern California, and we’re not very outdoorsy people, unless it has to do with the ocean or the beach, maybe hiking and things like this. But I taught my son how to disassemble his bike when he was little, how to use power tools. So, he would have a set of skills as he grew up as a man, that he would know that if I could do this, I could figure this kind of the principle of David, right? Why would I not be able to slay Goliath? I’ve already killed a bear, a mountain lion. I should be able to take care of this because my history says that I can accomplish what I set my mind to. And the last one is confidence. Is knowing who you are. And who you are comes from the culture that you create as a family, the rituals and traditions that reaffirm that say this is who we are as the Hamiltons, and this is who we are as the people of God. And so, the things that you give your time and attention to are the things that build confidence into shaping their identity and for them to be able to know who they are, both in their family and in their relationship with Christ.

TRACI DEVETTE GRIGGS: So, if a young man who is a new father, say or not such a new father, what do they do? How can they get more engaged and learn about what you’re teaching here?

JEFF HAMILTON: Well, we put out a lot of simple tools, a lot of points of encouragement every day, nearly, on our social media. Instagram is @Dad.Academy, Tiktok is @DadAcademy, Twitter is @DadAcademy, Facebook is Dad Academy, LinkedIn is Dad Academy. And we’re posting little tidbits and things like this that will help and encourage and make you think. But the best thing that you can do is to visit DadAcademy.Info, not only is there information on the book that you can get there, but there is two other opportunities. We have a master class that actually is an online video course with a workbook that not only you can go through, but the best part is when we share that journey together. Because the secret of Dad Academy is not just you being equipped as a dad, but it is about sharing that journey, our fears and our successes and our challenges, with a group of other guys who can bring their skills and their encouragement to help us also become who God’s made us to be, right? The Proverbs 10 principle that says iron sharpens irons if we can create communities of fathering, it can begin not only to influence our individual homes, but begin to change our communities in our cities, and our schools, in our nation, and even around the world.

TRACI DEVETTE GRIGGS: So many young men are choosing not to be fathers. Could you talk to these young men? Why do you think it’s a worthwhile challenge?

JEFF HAMILTON: It would be difficult to address all of the societal issues that are coming to a head when it comes to adolescent men embracing authentic manhood. For me, manhood is about accepting responsibility, is about expecting the greater good, is about living a life of service and sacrifice. Because a life best lived, Jesus told his disciples that if you want to be great, you have to become a servant. Because I didn’t come to be served. I came to serve. And I think that that is a man’s mission, is to give his life away in service to those around us. And God creates that opportunity by allowing us to become husbands and fathers, and I just don’t think that young men have a big enough vision of who God is and what he’s put in them and what he has created them to be, and to do that brings the kind of fulfillment that they’re searching for in some of these other distractions that they give themselves to. And I think if a young man would really get a vision and an understanding of what God’s put inside of them, that he’s put greatness inside of them, and given us the ability to help nurture that in the lives of everyone that he’s placed us in relationship, I think that we would begin to see that turn around.

TRACI DEVETTE GRIGGS: Yay. Well, thank you so much for sharing your big vision for us today, and, of course, with the many men that you have helped over the years. Jeff Hamilton, founder of Dad Academy, thank you so much for being with us today on Family Policy Matters.

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